Never Going Back Again
by ittykat
Summary: Set before Nikita's defection from division. The definition of a relationship through another's eyes. Collection of Drabbles.
1. Rebirth

**Title:** Rebirth

**Fandom:** Nikita

**Word Count:** 550

**Rating:** PG

**Characters:** Nikita and Amanda.

**Summary:** Set pre-series, pre Nikita leaving Division. Prompt: "It's a little... small" and inspired by Nikita's 'bikini' from the pilot. Anything shorter than 1000 words is gonna just get posted as a chapter of this drabble collection.

She holds the strip of red fabric up to the light, as though seeing it that way will make it any more substantial. "It's a little... small." She says nervously, and then holds it against her chest.

"Misdirection comes in many forms, Nikita." Amanda says lightly, and gestures for her to head behind the Japanese modesty screen in the corner to change.

"I know."

"And I believe that Michael has been teaching you the value of using the situation to your advantage. Your body is just as much a tool for you to utilise as your gun."

She steps out from behind the screen, the skimpy red swimsuit barely protecting her modesty. Her eyes are drawn to the tattoo on her hip, exposed except for a small section that is bisected by the string of the bikini. It had always surprised her, that with all the 'improvements' Division imposed on her (many against her will), they had let her keep her tattoos. The one on her hip she'd gotten when she was fourteen, an elaborate phoenix she'd gotten purely because she'd liked the look of it in the book and not for any symbolic purpose. Amanda looks her over, one finger pressed lightly against pursed lips. "You need heels." She taps her finger once, twice, then turns towards her closet, examining the stilettos available. "And sunglasses, I think."

"I'm not sure I can do this." Nikita says, hunching her shoulders forward, bangs falling over her eyes.

"Nonsense. You look beautiful."

"No, it's not that." Nikita says, and shakes her head. "You're right, the suit does fit." (Even if it is too small.) "I don't think I can kill him with my bare hands." She presents her palms to Amanda in a mimicry of surrender, before clenching them into fists again and burying them in her armpits. "Surely there is another agent better qualified."

"No, Nikita." Amanda chides gently, and extracts a strappy golden pair from the selection. "There are agents more _experienced_, but you have to remember, they've received the same training as you, they have the same knowledge as you. And the best way to gain the experiences they have, is to take responsibility for your actions, take charge of your fears and just _do_ the job."

Amanda holds the shoes out, hooked by two fingers.

Nikita swallows, but takes the shoes. Amanda smiles.

"You may be alone on the ground, but Michael will be there as usual, and Birkhoff will be monitoring the situation in case you need immediate extraction." Amanda says quietly, and slips a dark pair of sunglasses into Nikita's other hand.

"If this goes well, and I have no reason to believe it won't, I think you'll be interested to know we have an extended cover position coming up that you're our best candidate for... It'll mean less of these jobs for you, more steady work. His name is Daniel Monroe, he's a security analyst, it'd be a protection detail!"

It's a pretty transparent attempt at bribery, but NIkita doesn't mind. She nods, and smiles a little. It does sound nice, being charged to protect instead of harm. "A change of pace will be nice" She agrees, slipping the sunglasses on and checking her reflection in the mirror. "Tell me more about it when I come back?"

"Of course."


	2. In The Details

**Title:** In The Details

**Fandom:** Nikita

**Characters:** Amanda, Nikita/Michael

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** Set before Nikita's defection from division. The definition of a relationship through another's eyes.

It's just like the saying goes- the devil is in the details.

It's little things, here and there. Taken by themselves, that glance, that touch- they don't mean much. But when compiled together, it's a veritable catalogue of courtship, vocabulary and grammar that forms the poetry of their love story.

It'll all culminate in a tragic ending, of course, she thinks they all know that, deep down. She can see that too, in their hesitance to move their relationship forward. He's held back by his own sad past, still unwilling to let his ghosts lie, and because she is getting tired of waiting, she's attaching herself to another. This one is honest, and uncomplicated, and a _mission_, but she has begun to love him already.

Amanda watches from behind the glass, watching as Michael reviews Nikita's mission footage with Daniel, and notes the tense muscle in his jaw spasm.

She sees the way that Nikita is constantly aware of Michael's presence in any room, even when she is occupied and he is only passing through.

Amanda hears the stories, and notices how they've become something of a package deal, purely because of how compatible they are as a team. "Michael and Nikita arrived back from their mission in Belarus an hour ago." "That's a two man job- Send Michael and Nikita." "Michael and Nikita have been debriefed. They confirm each other's stories."

Michael and Nikita. Michael and Nikita. MichaelandNikita.

Amanda watches how Michael breaks when Nikita does, leaving Division in a fiery fury, dropping off their radar like no other recruit has ever managed. Michael is stoic and businesslike, and treats NIkita's defection the same as any other runaway, and that is how Amanda knows that he is truly heartbroken. So she deters Percy from trying to use Michael too directly in the search, knowing that while he could probably find her faster than Birkhoff, Roan and any number of their best trackers could ever hope to find her, that he wouldn't do it. Maybe not consciously, but Michael had always been just that little bit self-destructive, he wouldn't be any good to them now.

But she knows that just because Nikita is not a character in this act, doesn't mean she won't appear again before the denouement. There is too much unresolved between them, too much history, too much feeling.

Too much.

It's in the little details.


End file.
